


biting ankles

by grandmas_ghost (nap_princess)



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, F/M, I wrote this fic for me but y'all can read it if you want, Modern AU, plot over romance, school au, this fic is more about self-worth than romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 02:55:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14886308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nap_princess/pseuds/grandmas_ghost
Summary: She shuts a blue eye and aims at his chest. When she fires, a wider smile spreads on her face. Bang! Cupid's shot his heart and it's bad because he's bleeding everywhere / You might have to excuse me, I've lost control of all my senses– GrayCana if you squint, modern angst AU





	biting ankles

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Good Grief](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/388187) by Bastille. 



** biting ankles **

* * *

 You might have to excuse me, I've lost control of all my senses,  
So get drunk, call me a fool,  
Put me in my place, pick me up off the floor

– **Bastille** , _Good Grief_

* * *

Gray Fullbuster thinks he is dangerous.

And no, he's not saying this in the delusion of a teenage bad boy who wears leather jackets in twenty-degree heat or smokes or skips Math class. Not junk like that. He thinks he's dangerous because he thinks he's not good enough. He'll _never_ be good enough, he's just always so damn sad.

He's afraid that his sadness will consumer anyone who gets too close. He's scared he'll plant a tumour deep in their hearts. Because, honestly, compared to them, he's nothing but a literal dark cloud.

So he keeps away in the hopes that he wouldn't get too close to anyone, that they will stay away, because the possibility of corrupting them was too much for Gray's end.

* * *

He's in Math class and Loke's not. See, he told you he wasn't the kind to skip class. That was his (arguably best or only) friend's bad habit. Gray's bad habit was sulking and pushing people away.

(though, sometimes Gray thinks he should skip Math. It's boring and he knows literally no one in that class and everything just sounds gibberish)

Trying not to flutter of to dreamland, Gray starts counting heads in the class because, hey, that involves Math, right? So technically he's doing something within the subject.

He's on head number seventeen when his eyes stay on a particular head. It belongs to a girl with pretty hair, long and curly at the bottom. He wonders what she looks like from the front and if she's new. Gray's certain he's not that oblivious to the faces of his peers. Just because he hates this class doesn't mean he wants nothing to do with it.

Suddenly, sharp azure eyes turn to him, as if sensing his gaze on her. Gray doesn't break his eye contact and neither does she. It's almost unsettling how she's more focused on him than Miss Aquarius's droning, and that's something to be impressed by because Miss Aquarius can go full crazy-bitch mode when her students zone out.

She tips her chin at him, silently asking 'What?'

He just shrugs in reply, 'Nothing. Just dying of boredom, what about you?'

In return, a friendly smile curls on her face. She makes a playful sign with her hand, curling her fingers into the shape of a gun, fully loaded. Her expression tells him, 'If you're gonna die, may as well make it a quick death.'

She shuts a blue eye and aims at his chest. When she fires, a wider smile spreads on her face.

 _Bang!_ Cupid's shot his heart and it's bad because he's bleeding everywhere.

* * *

It's been two weeks since that incident, Gray thinks he's dying and, Loke's in Math class for once and not making out with some random girl.

She – the brunette girl who shot his heart – keeps turning her head and smiling at him, all friendly like. Gray thinks it's weird. But the sight that her smile weirdly sends a shiver through his entire body; it shoots down his spine and makes his toes curl.

Gray _never_ knew he could feel this way but  he is. And he didn't know why he was feeling this way either but it's _still_ happening and not going away. It's bugging him a hell of a lot and getting out of control.

 _Stop smiling at me_ , Gray grounds in his head.

"Who are you looking at?" Loke's voice penetrates past Gray's heavy thoughts as the ginger boy leans away from his doodled notebook. Talking in class is nothing new to Loke, he **never** pays attention anyways.

Gray turns, blinking. "Dunno but she stares at me a lot."

"Do you think it's because she likes you?" Loke asks, not teasing. It's a genuine question.

"No," Gray shakes his head. "I think she's just staring at me because she knows how bored I am. She's probably just trying to make it a game or something."

"She's cute." Loke observes and Gray shoots his friend a glare. It goes unnoticed though. Loke asks, "Do you think you can introduce me to her?"

"I don't even know her name." Gray answers, biting back the bitterness in his voice.

Loke's face drops into a sad frown. "That's a shame –"

"WHY DO I HEAR TALKING?!" Miss Aquarius snaps, sending a murderous vibe sweeping through the room.

Loke immediately shuts up and Gray tries to look at any direction that's not in the brunette girl's way. The smart choice is to pretend nothing happened. _Talking?_ Whaaat? _In Miss Aquarius's class?_ **Ridiculous!**

But not everyone's smart because Natsu answers with a raised hand, "Because you have ears, miss!"

Natsu's comment sends the whole class laughing. It was a silly move, but Gray will admit, Natsu's stupidity is a blessing in disguise because he catches a glimpse of the brunette girl laughing free-spiritedly. Gray swears his heart might have skipped a beat.

"Mister Dragneel!" Miss Aquarius snaps back at his 'smart' mouth. "Detention!"

"What?!" Natsu blanches.

"Don't make me repeat myself!"

* * *

Gray thinks, _Oh no_ , he's spent too long staring. _Oh no_ , he's spent too long lurking. _Oh no_ , it's too obvious. Oh no! **Oh no!**

"Hi!" The brunette girl greets, offering a friendly wave and a wide smile.

Gray looks away. He's cornered at his own locker _. Damn._ "Hey." He answers.

"What's your name?" She asks.

"Gray." He answers, not meeting her azure eyes. Why is she talking to him? Is she interested in him or something? Why can't he stop sweating buckets?

"Cool," She says, not dropping her friendliness. "Where's your ginger friend?"

"Uh," Gray fumbles, feeling his fast beating heart drop to his stomach. Oh, _of course,_ she'd be more interested in Loke. That boy has charms and Gray has … sadness. "I don't know."

She only hums in reply, a strong sound. Gray can't tell if she's disappointed in his answer or not. She says, "You know, Gray, I always see you all by yourself. We should hang out."

"What?" Gray swears he almost dropped dead from that claim. Is he dreaming?

She asks, ignoring his sputtering. "What's your number?"

"Huh?"

"Write it down, won't you?"

She hands him her phone. Or maybe 'hands' is the wrong word. It's more like she shoved it into his sweaty palms then she motions for him to do the same. There's a crack on the top right corner of her phone screen. And just from that, Gray can tell she's clumsy (read 'reckless') with fragile things.

"Uh," Gray gaps like an open-mouthed fish. Isn't this bad, stranger danger and all? Is he supposed to just punch in his phone number into some strange girl's phone?

"What are you waiting for? Gimme your phone." She orders, sharps eyes squinting.

"Oh, okay." Gray replies. Well, judging by his inability to say 'no', he's probably gonna end up dead in a ditch or held for random by next week.

And when she finally snatches her own phone from his hands and gives his back, there's a twinkling look in her eyes that says he might have just sold his soul for all the wrong reasons.

"I'm throwing a small party next week. You should go, Gray," She says. _Sweet Lord_ , did she have to insert his name in the conversation like that? "There's going to be alcohol and good music and snacks. I'll text you the address."

_Wut?_

And with that, she turns away from him. Once she saunters off, Gray takes a peak at his contact list, still shaky by the exchange. The newly added contact name reads, **Cana**.

* * *

"You didn't come." Is the first thing that comes out of Cana's mouth when she confronts Gray on Monday morning.

He turns to her, wide eyed. Where's Loke when Gray needs him? "Uh …"

"What gives?" Cana asks, a frown puckered on her lips and arms crossed.

"Erm," Gray mutters, he's sweating fucking bullets, _again._

"Do you not like parties or something?"

"No. I mean, yes. I uh – I'm okay with parties," Gray says quickly as he trips over his words, not wanting to upset her (though he might have already done that when he didn't come). He knows he shouldn't feel slightly uneased by Cana's irkness, he is taller than her and well-toned from basketball games but he just feels like he might cross the line if he says something careless.

Cana uncrosses her arms. "Then why didn't you come?"

"I …" Gray bites his lower lip. "I just don't think I should be hanging out with you."

"What? Because you think I'm bad news?" Cana challenges. She's ready to be defensive, tell Gray things like 'You don't know me!'.

Shaking his head again, but with more vigour, Gray says, "Oh, _no_. No, it's **not you**. It's **me**."

"You?" Cana raises her brow, her anger shimmering down.

"Yeah," Gray nods, looking her in the eye just for good measurements.

Cana blinks in reply. Say what? She waits for him to explain.

"You look like a really fun person, the life of the party. And I'm just …" He trails off in his explanation, looking at his scruffy sneakers and the ugly tiled floors. "… I'm kinda boring and sad,"

Subconsciously, Cana's hands curls into fists. That's an awfully mean way to talk about oneself.

Cana says what's on her mind, "Well, _I_ **don't** think you're boring or sad or both."

"You don't'?" He asks, this surprises him.

"No, why'd you think I took an interest in you? I invited you to my party for a reason. I want to get to know you."

Not knowing what to say to that, Gray just lets his mouth form into an 'O'.

"I'm throwing another party next week. Just with me and my friends. You'll come, won't you? Socialize and stuff?" Cana tells him. "There will still be beer and snacks and music. My friends are really nice, you'll like them."

"Uh," Gray finds himself rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans. "I … I guess?"

A slow smile spreads across Cana's face. Gray wants her to look that happy forever.

"Cool," She says then pats his shoulder.

* * *

Gray sips on the mug that's handed to him and grimaces at the taste. It tasted like an odd mixture of energy drink and bitter coffee. It was horrible, suiting his mood.

He's drunk, he thinks? He doesn't know. He may have gone overboard? No one ever told him getting drunk made him want to do thing, _a lot of things_. Talk more, text people, sing on the top of his lungs, tell people he hasn't talk to in forever that he loves them.

"Who are you texting?" Cana asks, plopping beside him on the couch. Everyone's dancing and he's just being asocial.

"My mom." Gray answers over the music and drunken hollering.

Cana's blue eyes immediately widen and she snatches his phone from his hands. "Don't do that." She tells him, locking the screen –

"Hey, give it back!" Gray argues, reaching out with his free hand.

– And Cana shoves his phone in her bra; boob pockets are the best, especially when jeans have fake pockets.

"Oh my God." He gaps.

"Yeah, you're not getting this back."

Gray groans, throwing his head back on the couch's pillows. He asks, "Why are you doing this?"

"It's obvious, isn't it? I can't let you drunk text your mom." Cana answers.

"No, I mean." Gray exasperates, sighing. He doesn't think he can drink anymore. "Why invite me to a party?"

"I told you, I wanted to get to know you –"

"And I told you I was a sad person." Gray cuts in. "I don't want to infect you or your friends with my sadness."

"Infect?" Cana parrots. "Your feelings aren't some cold virus. You may think of yourself that way but that doesn't mean we'll think badly of you. _I_ don't think you're sad. And I'm sure my friends won't either." Cana says, taking the mug away from Gray's hand. "We're not the bunch to be easily influenced, we don't need to be sheltered."

Gray listens as he watches Cana gulp down his strange coffee-alcohol mix.

"And we're not the best crowd either. We smoke hand-rolled cigarettes and drink. We once lit a couch on fire for boredom's sake." Cana admits, nursing the empty mug.

She and her friends are a mess. But they are all she's got. They are her everything and she was willing to die for them again and again. Not that she'd tell her friends out loud because they'd make fun of her for sure.

"We're kinda fucked." Cana says and starts naming her friends, "Freed, Ever, Bickslow, oh – and don't get me started on Laxus." Then she notices how Gray's opening his mouth to interfere but she stops him. " _You_ may not think so but _we_ know we are. Doesn't matter though," She shrugs. "It doesn't matter because the only thing that's on our mind is having fun and enjoying every minute of life."

Wow, that was kinda deep.

"Are you having fun?" Cana asks but doesn't even wait for his reply. "You'll come next week, won't you?" Cana asks, though it sounds more like a plead. It's the same question stuck on repeat.

"Uh," Gray pauses, staring at the ceiling.

Another party? Did Cana throw one every week or something? His train of thoughts are floating off. Well, today was surprisingly fun – watching Cana's friends dance and sing and be care-free – and it's not like he has anything better to do so …

He replies, "Okay."

* * *

"Why do you keep inviting me to your parties?" Gray asks Cana the next week they are stuck sitting on the same sofa, red solo cups in hand. "I'm so awkward, I just sit here. I don't even talk to anyone. I _suck_."

Cana gives him a strange look, she hopes that's the alcohol talking.

"I'm too sad for you." He says. Yup, could be the alcohol.

Cana draws circles on the armchair of the couch they are sitting on and says, "No, you're alright."

Gray asks, though it's more rhetorical than ever, "How do you know?"

"I've seen worse," She answers, blue eyes staring at her goes.

"What do you mean?"

A frown immediately presses on her face. She tells him in an angry manner, "I just know what sadness is, okay?"

He looks away, eyes staring at Evergreen slam a hand on Bickslow's back playfully. "Okay," He says, ending the conversation.

But you know what's really sad? It's that he can't understand what she thinks no matter how hard he tries.

* * *

Gray thinks he's finally warming up to the crowd and parties and alcohol.

He's managed to make Cana's friends laugh. They play drunk card games, Bickslow even lets him choose his choice of music. The group actually bops along with it, so Gray's taste in music isn't pure shit as he thought.

"This is fire!" Freed screams, something completely different from what his sober self would ever say.

Cana laughs and gives Gray a quick kiss on the cheek, thanking him for the fun night, before untangling her arm away from him.

Gray's stunned but everyone else is too intoxicated to notice. Cana simply raises a red solo cup and cheers on the top of her lungs. Gray forgets the rest of the night after Laxus pushes two jägerbombs in his way.

* * *

Over the booming music and cheering drunk friends and, a sticky floor covered with drinks and red solo cups, Gray asks, "Why do you throw so many parties? What's there to celebrate?"

"Oh, it's not about the parties." Cana answers grinning and Gray doesn't get it. It's their … third party this week? She continues, "There's nothing to celebrate, it's just an excuse to drink."

Gray raises a brow as Laxus lets out a loud holler and trips on thin air. Wow, and here he thought Cana was clumsy with her phone. He parrots her words, "To drink?"

"Yeah, it's my coping mechanism," She says, still all smiles.

He laughs in reply, thinking it's a joke, because there's no way someone can smile that wide while acknowledging their mess of a weakness.

"No, seriously. I have a severe drinking problem." She answers and takes a sip of her drink just to prove a point.

"Oh my God," He says, regret is a clear evidence on his face. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," – Well, technically, it's not. But there's no other way to say it in a conversation like this.

* * *

Cana gets Gray a matching leather jacket for him to wear one day. It's almost like a couple's OOTD, except with less love and more influence.

* * *

"Where have you been, Gray?" Loke growls. Actually growls. He says angrily in the middle of the school hall, "You haven't come to school in _days_. Why are you ditching?" And this was coming from the playboy who skips Math on a regular basis just to meet up with his long line of girlfriends and make out with them.

"I just think school sucks." Gray answers, pushing Loke's grip off his leather jacket.

"So you've just decided to not come and go day drinking with that girl from Math class?" Loke barks. "Are you mad? You could get expelled if you miss too many days. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

"It's **not** nothing! This isn't you, Gray!"

Gray pauses, taking things into consideration – Loke's steely grip on his arm, the frown pressed on the ginger's face, the look behind purple glasses. Loke was getting mad, mad _at Gray_ because the ginger boy cared about him but Gray himself _didn't_. Gray didn't care enough about himself to see what all the fuss was about.

"You don't know me." Gray seethes, snatching back his arm.

Loke gaps but then pulls back, "Fine." Loke says. " _Fine!_ Be that way! Do what you want; smoke, drop out of school, rob a store, I. don't. care! If you want to hang out with that certified alcoholic then that's fine too –"

"Her name is Cana!" Gray thunders. Gray thinks Loke has no right to call Cana such a thing. Not when Loke makes out with a bunch of girls who aren't doing just as well.

"Whatever!" Loke brushes the name off and turns away before things get worse.

* * *

Cana swallows the cold styrofoam dinner along with the remainder of the lipstick smudged on her lips and her feelings down her throat. Her voice comes out in a whisper, "You've got to be joking."

"I'm not." Gray answers, "I got expelled."

"How?" Cana squeezes.

"I was failing Math so –"

"No!" Cana snaps, blue eyes sharper than usual, voice rising. " _No_ , Miss Aquarius is a bitch for sure, but she would never – She wouldn't – That's not a good enough reason!"

Gray doesn't know how to explain it. "I kept showing up to class with a hangover, I wasn't in the best state so –"

"It's my fault." Cana says, standing up suddenly and throwing the take-out food on the floor. She's beyond angry with herself. What has she done? Why did she think it was a good idea to talk to Gray to begin with?

Gray feels his stomach drop like the food on the ground. "It's not –"

"It's **all** my fault! _It is!_ " Cana screams, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She's just ruined Gray's future. She feels like _shit._ **Absolute crap**.

"Cana, it's –"

She turns away from him before he can have a say in his own fucked up future.

* * *

"Why didn't you hang out with Natsu and Lucy?" Cana asks.

Sitting with her behind the bleachers isn't exactly cool or comforting. But then again, Gray's technically not supposed to be on school grounds. He's trespassing and he knows it. Though that doesn't stop him from still coming over and following Cana around. It feels like he's haunting her for the mistake she made.

Cana's shaking as she takes out a cigarette to smoke. She keeps talking, "They are the popular kids, I think you _could_ have fit in with them. You're friends with Natsu, right?"

Gray takes the cigarette out of Cana's mouth the moment she lights it. Oh God, _what_ has she done to this kid? He was so introverted before and now …

"Somewhat." Gray answers, puffing away. Gray only talks to Natsu during basketball practice. "But I was sad, remember?" – Oh, _this_ shit again. He **wasn't** sad. He was anything **but** sad, she **was** the sad one; drinking liquor and throwing imaginary parties.

"You've got the looks, the bod, you know Loke who's a ladies man. You _could_ have had such a nice time with them." Cana says.

She wants to drive him away. After all she's done to him, she doesn't even deserve to be talking to him right now. Was it to late to turn his life around and force him to be a better person?

Gray admits, kicking a pebble. "I just thought they were the wrong crowd to hang out with."

"Are they a bad influence to you?" Cana guesses. The conversation feels oddly nostalgic. She wants to scream at him, 'Are you blind?' because the popular kids can't be as bad as her.

Gray shrugs.

Cana reaches over and flicks the cigarette from his mouth. He doesn't even react. She asks, "Do you hate them?"

And Gray flinches from this. So he'd react to them but not to her?

"No." Gray replies. Hate was too much of a strong word. Gray just doesn't like the possibility that he could destroy the popular kids' picture perfect lives. _Happy_ lives that they go to such great lengths to maintain.

"Do you dislike them then?" Cana continues talking. She feels like she's playing twenty questions.

Gray shrugs again.

"You haven't noticed yet, have you?" Cana asks, watching the cigarette's smoke die.

"Noticed what?"

And she just laughs in reply.

"You'll definitely hate me then when you realize it." She says and he just looked at her in return like she's grown three heads, as if to tell her 'I could never hate you'. She looks forward to the day she could finally get a reaction out of him.

* * *

"Take the shot." One of his – Cana's (?) – friend's says, pushing a red solo cup into his hands. He's too far gone to recognize who it is. Evergreen? Bickslow?

All he knew was that he couldn't taste his last drink and that was _bad_. He's sure he's consumed enough alcohol to poison a whole herd of elephants. He takes the shot anyways. And his friends cheer for him; loud and proud, as if he was a hero for downing his drink. But he knows he's going to die tonight.

"Gray?"

He could hear his own breathing and feel his eyelids struggle to stay shut. His heart was beating fast too, working harder than ever. God, was he going to die? He knew this was not something he wanted. The next morning was going to suck.

He was losing consciousness and everything sounded funny and far away.

"Yo, Fu l l buster, y ou o k aaa y?"

.

.

.

"I feel bad." Cana admits under the night sky and cool breeze.

Gray sits in a low chair build for a kindergartener, knees scrunching up to his chin. _Fuck_ , when did he end up outside in the garden? "Oh?" He hums drunkly.

"You got expelled because of me." Cana says.

"No, I got expelled because I suck at Math."

"Gray –"

He slaps a hand over her mouth. The alcohol is making him move all weird. "Shhh," Gray tells her but he may just regret it because the silence is way worse.

It's awkward, everything is awkward. But the moment she put her head on his shoulder, he swore all the sound around him disappeared and the only thing that was repetitive and loud was his heart. Ba-dump! B-dump!

Then she looks at him, ocean eyes. Slowly, he starts hearing sounds again, like a radio being turned up from the inside of the house. He looks at her face, then her lips.

She notices.

Then they kissed.

* * *

Cana turns off her bedroom lights, switches her fairy lights on. Gray's taking her bed and she's going to take the couch or something if Freed or Evergreen weren't already occupying it. Closing her eyes and sighing, tomorrow feels like a new sort of hell.

…

He wakes up and notices he's slept like a baby with his red solo cup clutched near his chest. A sense of security that shouldn't be there. He shouldn't feel comforted with such a thing near him.

Not wanting to get up yet, Gray notices her things left in the room – her headphones, her choker, her earrings. She's left the fairy lights on. Probably because she knows how much he hates the dark. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking.

"Cana?" He calls for her name.

Silence.

He calls for her again. His heart won't feel full until he hears her call back.

* * *

He knew she was in one of those moods where she wanted music to beam through her skull and rattle her brain, blocking out all noise and distractions. Regardless, he tries to talk to her.

With his cheek in his palm, Gray says, "You always feels so far away."

Cana takes out her earphones and smiles, as mischievous as the day in Math class. She responses, "Good. We should keep it that way."

"You sound drunk," He says.

"I wish I was drunk." She answers, truthful. She can't keep this up, the guilt was eating her up alive.

* * *

{ In my thoughts you're far away and you are whistling the melody,  
Crystallizing clear as day,  
Oh, I can picture you so easily }

* * *

Gray reasons, tangling his dark hair between his fingers. He's frustrated and she's an alcoholic mess but she's finally getting a reaction out of him.

He asks, "Can't we talk about this?"

"Talk about what?" She asks back.

"Us?" He tests, licking his lips. "That night?"

"What night?" Cana asks, pretending.

" _That_ night." He repeats with more force. "You know what I'm talking about. _We kissed._ We **kissed** , Cana."

She breathes in through her nose then exhales angrily through her mouth. He knows her temper is rising.

"You think I remember?" She asks then lies. "Because I don't," But actually she's just pushing down her feelings because she thinks she's dangerous. Oh-so dangerous, she just ruined someone's life. "I drink all the time, I'm never sober. You can't trust me to remember anything. You can't trust me at all."

.

.

.

"You bite my ankles and I'll bite yours back, one day you'll fall if you can't support yourself."

* * *

  **end**

**Author's Note:**

> – 27 April 2018


End file.
